Harry (seeking_harry) wrote,

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I'm such a fucking selfish bastard.

I can't even bear the sympathy. I don't deserve it... he does. My dad does.

I couldn't live without Sirius, so I had to kill to bring him back. I had to use dark magic, and kill Hagrid. But I have him back.

And now... I had to see what it would be like. WHO DOES THIS? What the fuck is wrong with me? I 'fixed' things. Sure. Right. What did I fix?

I took Ron's Mum away. I took myself out of Ron's life... out of Hermione's life. I made it so that they hate each other. Ron... he's so like my dad in a lot of ways. Ron isn't full of himself, no, and I love that about my dad. Ron still has that self-consciousness, but it's not that bad. He knows that he's loved and that he has friends. He has Hermione, and Molly. God. Molly.

And the others. Yes, it's been interesting getting to know Draco. No, I don't really think it's possible in the world I left. Sure, it'd be nice if it were... he's not a bad friend. He's even, er, funny. And he'd never, ever think about kissing Ginny. At least, I don't think he would.

I think that... I can't stay here any longer. I just... can't do this to him. He's dead in my world, but he's with her. I think he'd rather be dead than live like this. And Sirius will be fine... he has to be. No matter what, I can't let him go back to Azkaban.

And getting back to being selfish... I miss Hermione, and Ron... Tony.

I'm afraid of what would have happened if I'd stay long enough to see Ivy. I wouldn't be able to leave her. The thought that I could have had someone like that in my life... I could have shown her how to fly, and bought her her first broom. We could have gone in, way too early, and jumped on the bed, waking up Mum and Dad. I bet she would have had red hair, like Mum. She probably would have looked a bit like Ginny did, I think. My Mum has the same colouring as Ron and the Weasleys.

I wish I could have said goodbye. She had this way of hugging me that made it seem like I was the most important thing in the world to her.

My Grandparents are here now, and the Dursleys. It was so very odd seeing my Grandparents... they are brillant. So nice, and funny. My Grandmother gave me a Snitch set that she meant for Ivy and me. There's a small practise Snitch, and another for me. I didn't know what to say.

She has our hair! Now I know where I got it from. It's black, and sticking up. I think I just stared at the both because... well, I could.

I was excited, I think I'd like to know them better... but this just isn't meant for me.

So I go back, and I make it right.
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