Harry (seeking_harry) wrote,

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If anything, things have gotten worse.

I can't force Ron to be my friend, I can't pretend that everything is the same. He had that vision back a few months ago, of me not knowing who he is, and being in Slytherin. He was only partly right, and if I'm being honest, part of me wishes that I didn't remember. That's not really correct as I don't ever want to forget, but...

I don't know what the fuck I want!

Maybe I'll just be quiet. Maybe I'll just have to get used to this and keep trying to fake it. I have to make myself think of Draco like I used to think of Ron. I have to find him and talk to him, and not about just this, but about normal, just... things. Maybe I'll just start paying closer attention. It's not like he's hard to look at or anything. Yeah, that right there is a sign that I shouldn't have done this. Fine, he wants a best mate, he'll get one.

What if I get so caught up in faking it that I can't remember what's really real?

Ron wants to be left alone, I gathered that much from our tutoring session. I only agreed to tutor people because of him, to be honest. And I'll keep doing it because my Mum needs the help, but I'd really rather not. Hermione would be kind of proud of me, I think. If she knew.

Hermione. She's the only one I haven't really tried to talk to yet. I'm terrified to try, really. Hermione, if you don't know her, tends to be rather... brisk. Of course, I know this, but I'm just not up for it right now.

So, my plans:

Stay away from Ron. Stay away from Tony. Be a better best mate to Draco. Try to talk to Hermione soon?

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